


snowfall

by very_mhairi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Discovering your triggers whooee, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-ep26, This is all very self indulgent I won’t lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22269778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/very_mhairi/pseuds/very_mhairi
Summary: It's a snow day for the Mighty Nein—Molly's first since he died. Unfortunately for him, the snow doesn't make him happy anymore.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 112
Collections: Widomauk Winter Gift Exchange 2020





	snowfall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleLimey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLimey/gifts).



> Happy widomauk winter exchange!! This is my secret santa gift to Limey. I thrive off of hurt/comfort, lmao, so I saw the snow prompt and couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy!!

Molly stared out the window at the snow drifting past the glass, at the blanketed earth two floors below him, and tried not to think.

Thinking was overrated, truly. That was his personal opinion. Mostly because on winter days like this, thoughts led him to his heart pounding painfully just watching a child make a snow angel. On winter days like this, thoughts woke him up in the cold and forced him to go track down his friends, even if they were inside an inn, to make sure they hadn’t been taken again. Maybe it had been years for this group, but for him it had only been a handful of months since... Well, he still couldn’t quite talk about it without losing his words, so he avoided the truth at all costs.

He was used to the all-encompassing cold weather (he ran hot, it was _always_ cold, why did they have to keep going places where the cold was worse, dammit), but he could tell that the deep-set chill in his bones this morning wasn’t just atmospheric. Fuck. _Fuck._ It was going to be a bad day and he was not in the mood to deal with it. He was so absorbed in his own dread that he didn’t notice the quiet footsteps behind him until there were gentle hands resting on his hips, wonderful points of warmth against his skin. “ _Liebling_ , you’re not one to be up this early,” Caleb murmured, tucking his face against his neck. His voice was low and hoarse with sleep, and despite the pounding of his heart, Molly couldn’t help but smile and tear his eyes away from the window.

“Guess I was particularly unlucky this morning.” Molly gently nudged Caleb’s head to the side so he could turn to face him, and he grinned down at him. What a disaster. His hair was tangled and half of it was standing straight up, his eyebags were record levels of dark (though it would be a while before Caleb lost that trophy). He looked an absolute mess and Molly loved it. Molly loved _him,_ as terrifying as it was. It was scary to admit to himself that he could love someone, that he did, that he was loved in return. He was still working on the little experiment that was their half-baked, barely there, confused relationship, but he was getting there. One day at a time. Today, he took another step, determined to defeat the snow outside. “I love you. How’d you sleep, dear heart?” He watched Caleb’s eyes light up just for a moment, a flicker of excitement for the first time that Molly had said _I love you_ without prompting, and it was a perfect little distraction.

“I slept fine. I would sleep better if you were still in bed with me.”

“My gods, I ruined you, Mister Caleb. What happened to rising with the sun?”

“Are you complaining?” Caleb asked, with the tiniest smirk and raised eyebrow, about as much snark as his obviously dead tired mind could conjure up for him. Molly leaned down and kissed him gently, for just a moment, unable to resist. Caleb chased after another before Molly pulled back entirely. He let Caleb take his hands and drag him back to the bed they shared, though he could still _feel_ the window behind him, as much as he hated it. The two of them ducked under the covers and Molly sighed contentedly as they settled, Caleb’s head resting against the gnarled scar at the center of his chest. There were a few moments of gentle silence where Molly was beginning to accept that his—boyfriend? No, it wasn’t that serious, but they weren’t just friends either—wizard had lured him back into endless cuddles (oh, wow, what a shame), but they didn’t last long before the slow settling of his calm was very rudely interrupted.

“So what happened?” Caleb asked, quiet and not demanding eye contact or commitment yet.

“Hmm?”

“You got up early, you seem very out of it, and I could feel your pulse racing when I touched your neck. Are you all right?”

Fuck. _Fuuuuuuuck_. “‘M fine, just an off day.” The unfortunate downside to letting someone love you was that they forced you to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Wouldn’t be the first time (he’d had some trust issues ever since that first Zone of Truth), but he didn’t enjoy being read like a book by any means. This wasn’t his best performance, sure, because he hadn’t thought he needed to be performing, but it still gave him a terrible itch to be honest with someone. 

Still, they were working on it. They bothhad a long way to go in the intimacy department. 

Caleb hummed softly, a quiet acknowledgement of _I know that’s not it, but I won’t press._ No one was actively breaking down, so they tried to respect each others’ space, even if they worried about each other. It was a delicate dance. “Then come back to sleep,” he said instead, cuddling in closer to him. Molly draped his tail over his legs and let his eyes fall shut, quietly suffocating the dread at the back of his neck.

* * *

That dread roared back to life, clawing at his skull and his spine, when Jester dragged them out of bed and downstairs. Sure, the uneasiness was manageable when she chirped behind the door “Guys, it’s snowing! We’re going out, come on! Are you alive? I’m coming in, better not be na-ked!” and promptly barged in, but as the minutes slipped by, he could feel his anxiety breathing down his neck. He pulled on his new coat, a placeholder of expensive fabric while he painstakingly embroidered a real one, and tried to find comfort in the weight. It fit perfectly and the carefully chosen fabrics suited him, but he couldn’t help but feel like a soldier donning a uniform. Every morning, he used to get up, put on the coat, and with his colorful armor he could face the day. A lot of good that armor did against a glaive, though. It didn’t help him face that bastard, did he? It didn’t save him, it didn’t save Yasha, it didn’t—

“ _Schatz,_ are you sure you’re alright? Ah, do you need me to grab you more layers? That coat should be warm enough for you even out in the snow, I picked the lining material so—”

“I know!” Molly half-snapped, on edge and yanked out of his thoughts. His tail lashed behind him for a moment, and he took a deep breath. “I know. Thank you for thinking ahead like that, dear heart.” He didn’t think Caleb was talking down to him, he just… he couldn’t right now. He swore he could feel Caleb’s defensive instincts flaring after he raised his voice, though, and he winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“Molly—” Caleb began, and Molly was saved from having to explain anything by Beau’s heavy, impatient knocks at the door. “C’mon, we’re gonna build an igloo before it gets warm and we need someone who knows how gravity works,” she complained, and Molly darted towards the door. “Well, I know what I’m destroying this afternoon!” He called back, painting on his usual grin and charging after her to berate her. There’s a thought he never thought would cross his mind: _Thank fuck for Beau._

* * *

To his credit, he did damn well for so long.

The first few steps were… difficult. He had to grin and bear it as all of them tumbled one by one into the field behind their inn, making sure to keep himself steady at the soft crunch of the snow beneath his feet. He hated how his heart picked up just at the feeling. Luckily, though, his family was plenty distracting. Everyone, including Molly, did spend a good amount of time on the igloo, and he did seem to genuinely enjoy it, offering his help where he could and laughing freely at jokes. Fjord and Caduceus tried to see if manipulating water would let them shape snow, which turned out to be a bust. The snow wouldn’t pack hard enough to create anything other than large piles of half-baked snow bricks all over the area, so unfortunately the igloo wasn’t meant to be. Still, he took great pride in smearing snow all over Beau’s head while she was distracted by her miscalculations.

It felt like things were getting easier to handle when Beau whipped back around and hit him point-blank with a snowball. He yelped overdramatically and laughed, stepping back. “You’re on.”

Beau dived behind a heap of failed igloo bricks and Molly ducked behind a tree as the entirety of the Nein (Caduceus confused, but following their lead a few moments later) took cover and began an all-out assault. Theoretically it was every man for himself, but anyone who tried to defend that was a damn liar. Beau was obviously refusing to hit Jester and instead trying to impress her by absolutely pelting poor Fjord with snowballs, even though Jester was attacking her. Yasha wouldn’t hit Molly, and in fact constantly gave his position away by trying to subtly check up on his plans and failing miserably. Nott was taking tactical shots—he knew damn well that even though those snowballs were small, they had rocks inside, and she had better aim than anyone else in the group. His aim was pretty good, though, and he hit Caleb with a carefully plotted throw plus a little wink for good measure before focusing on Beau.

His coat was half-soaked with melted snow, he couldn’t feel his fingers, and he was dizzy from running when he finally darted out from his cover to find a new vantage point. But instead of his clear shot, he was spotted, and Beau rushed him, shoving him to the ground.

Maybe it was just to smear snow in his hair. But the quick movement from Beau, the shove, the lightheadedness and the snow beneath him… it was too much. 

His ears rang, and for a moment he couldn’t comprehend anything but his quick breathing. Distantly, Beau laughed, but he was far away, and instead it echoed like her yelling his name. He scrambled to his feet like a feral animal, and there was something untamed in his eyes as he stumbled backwards and away from her, just trying to get _back, away_ , have to get away or he’ll kill me he won’t let me go _please_ —

He lost his footing again, but never hit the ground. Instead, there were arms around him to catch him, and though he instinctively struggled, he could just barely hear “Mollymauk, it’s all right, it’s me.” His panic seemed to register the rough voice that dragged him from his nightmares, and he stopped struggling, reduced to hyperventilating and confusion. “I’ve got you.” It took a few moments of hiccuping and heaving for him to finally register the tears half-freezing on his cheeks and the gathered Nein around him, all looking down at him with concern and hesitance. Caleb had him half-across his lap, and Yasha kneeled beside him, holding Molly’s hand. He despised the anguish and regret in her eyes more than anything. He wanted to reassure her that this, that it wasn’t her fault, like he had a million times before, but the words wouldn’t come.

"Are you back with us, Mister Mollymauk?” Caleb asked quietly after Molly’s breathing began to even out and tremble. He nodded, then made a vague gesture towards his throat. Yasha gave him a small smile and signed to him _I still remember, if you need me,_ and his heart nearly tore and knit itself back together in an instant. 

_I’m here_ , he signed back, and melted against his wizard.

* * *

The brief scare unfortunately ruined the snowball fight. After some painfully awkward apologies from Beau and the babying from his little family for a while, he finally dragged Caleb upstairs and away from the rest of the group in the inn’s tavern as his words came back. Well, more like he grabbed a teacup from Caduceus and began to walk upstairs and Caleb trailed behind him automatically. He smiled weakly and held open the door, holding the teacup close to his chest once he’d finished and walking over to the end of the bed. He perched there, letting himself breathe. Caleb moved over to their room’s hearth and arranged the logs before lighting it easily with a murmur under his breath.

“Your coat is still soaked. You should—”

“I know, but I’d—I’d rather not.” Molly said quickly, moving to hold the front of his coat. He just wanted the maximum amount of distance from… all of it right now. He was much less fragile than he had been, but he still felt like he was mentally walking on eggshells, and so he didn’t want anyone taking his coat from him. Caleb sighed and walked over, gently taking his hand and then huffing again. “You’re freezing. I won’t take your coat, but, come here.” Caleb pulled him towards the hearth and sat, surprisingly close to the fire considering his history. He’d admit, it felt fucking amazing to move close—he _was_ freezing. He could barely feel his hands. He shifted close to him and plopped his forehead against his shoulder, charms clinking with the movement, and that actually coaxed a chuckle out of Caleb. If he didn’t feel completely drained, he could’ve cheered.

Caleb took his coat off and pushed it to the side, and a moment later Frumpkin came curling around him, butting into Molly’s hands and purring quietly. He indulged in scritches and just a few moments of quiet before Caleb spoke up again. “I wish you had told me what you were afraid of.”

Molly sighed. “I… It’s hard to think about. I don’t want to be afraid of it. I thought I could get through it.” He’d been forcing himself to face his fears over and over. He trained, he dragged himself down to the wire, and tried to train himself out of the now-instinctual panic that overtook him when he got lightheaded from blood loss. Slowly, he’d been getting better at handling that, but snow was new, even if it should have been simple. “And you know how hard it is to be honest about it, anyway.” For both of them, their fears and insecurities had only been exposed when they were forced to the forefront by waking each other up with nightmares.

“Ah, that is… _ja_. I know it can be difficult.” There was a small, near-awkward pause between them, and Molly shifted back, taking Frumpkin into his lap and staring into nothing. Caleb moved to compensate, closing the gap between them and dragging his coat alongside him. A moment later, his gentle arm around his waist dragged Molly back to the present. “That’s all right, _liebe_. I’ve got you. No more snow, _ja_?” Weirdly enough, Molly chuckled, shaking his head with a ghost of a smile. “No more snow. For me, anyway. But you’re welcome to go out and help Jester make snowmen with dicks. I’ll watch from up here if you want.”

Caleb pulled him a little closer. “No, I… I want to stay up here. With you. I love you, Molly. I’d rather stay here, warm and knowing you are happy, than deal with Beau shoving more snow down my coat.” He shuddered at the memory of the feeling, and Molly actually laughed at that. He leaned over and stole a gentle kiss from him, his hand lingering against his cheek for a moment afterwards as Molly gratefully looked up at him. 

“I love you too. Though you should get some blankets then, because we’re gonna be here cuddling for a while,” Molly teased, and Caleb rolled his eyes playfully as he pulled himself to his feet. Molly took the opportunity to grab his jacket from where it laid and drape it over his shoulders, closing his eyes at the familiar weight and scent of wood smoke and earth. Frumpkin stretched out over his lap, and a moment later Caleb came back with all the blankets from the bed, handing a few to Molly and keeping one to wrap around himself. He looked irresistibly adorable, pale cheeks still a little red from the biting wind and swallowed by a quilt, and Molly gave him a small but genuine smile. A little rarity. 

“I love you,” Caleb murmured, and he took his hand, gently lacing their fingers together before settling with his head on Molly’s shoulder. 

“I love you too. Let’s keep each other warm.”


End file.
